Marriage is hard and life gets so busy. I remember when we were dating and we couldn't wait to see one another. We would drop off notes at one another's work or home. I remember when seeing his face or hearing a message from him on the answering machine (yes, that thing with the tape in it that would record a phone message when you were not at home) would give me butterflies. We would stay up late talking bout anything and everything and he would be the first person I wanted to tell when something exciting or terrible happened in my life.
We get stuck in ruts. Just after Abigail was born, we were in the worst rut ever. We were not viciously fighting like we had in our first two years of marriage (where we would, literally, scream at one another in the walk-in closet in our condo so the neighbors wouldn't hear us), but it was even worse. We weren't connecting at all. We were two people who lived together with no passion at all...not even enough to invest in fighting. We were cohabitating business partners who didn't communicate much beyond exchanging information necessary to get the tasks done for the day. It was miserable. One day we just admitted it. We were committed, but we didn't like each other. He resented that I gave everything to the kids and then gave all he had to work.
We stopping in our tracks. We vowed that divorce was not an option and trusted that, if God wanted to have our marriage represent His love for His people, He would give us the means to make it good...even great. It was hard to fathom, but we trusted that fact and committed to being all-in.
Since then, we have been so purposeful to invest in us. We tell the kids that we love them, but we need to love one another first. When we see that we are starting to drift into feeling like roommates, we quickly work towards connecting. Sometimes it's as simple as looking each other in the eye or kissing long. Sometimes those simple things are the first to easily fall by the wayside, leaving one feeling empty, alone and frustrated.
Not every day feels like butterflies, but we work towards butterflies over and over and over. There is a depth and connection far deeper than butterflies that last when things are rough. At the same time, I want to date my husband. I want to pick him out of a crowd with a flirtatious wink. I want have fun and laugh and still get to know him more. I want him to want to take me home...forever and ever and ever.
So, all that to say, I am thankful for date nights. I am especially thankful for my mom too. She was there when we were in the worst rut to jump in and take care of the kids without question. I said, "Mom, Chris and I need to get away because we don't want to get divorced." She, literally said, "Okay," and just took the kids. She is still there for date nights. She is part of how great our marriage is. I am grateful.
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